Why I love my "job"

I know I don't technically have a job yet and I am fully aware that I'm still paying tuition to work full-time but I feel like I have a PT job because I've been working in a clinic/hospital for 3 months now! The good news about my "job" is that I absolutely LOVE it. I feel so incredibly blessed to be in a profession that I love going to everyday and I want to do for the rest of my life. It's encouraging when you look back on all of the many years of schooling and all the hard work poured in and you know that it was all worth it.
So here's the reason why I love PT...I just love my patients. They encourage me, they inspire me, they challenge me, they make me laugh, they make me cry, they share their stories with me, they share their families with me, and they share their lives with me and invite me in as a friend.
The job of being a rehab PT isn't always easy. In fact, it's really difficult. When a patient is crying in realization that they'll never be able to walk again after their car accident it's hard. When a patient has aphasia after a stroke and isn't able to express any of the words they want to say and they keep trying but get so frustrated, it's hard to know what to do.
Everyday I show up at my "job" I realize how BLESSED I am. To be healthy and to have family and friends that are healthy is such a blessing and it is not something to take for granted even though we all do all the time. All my patients are ordinary people who lived ordinary lives and one day something crazy drastic happened to them and their lives were dramatically changed. There is nothing more impactful than getting to spend 1-2 hrs a day for a couple weeks with someone during this dramatic life change.  Their stories break my heart. I've realized it's hard to not be a hypochondriac and worry that the things that happen to them will happen to the people I love in my life. I have to frequently remind myself to not live in fear but to instead really cherish every moment.
Ok so now I need to brag about my patients because they're just so wonderful and they add so much joy to my life...
One of my favorite patients is a father of two girls and a very accomplished professor. He has a brain tumor that was removed and he has a poor prognosis. He sadly has aphasia and is only able to communicate the word "yes" and he also is unable to use any muscles on his left side of the body.  Despite all this he is the most determined person I have ever met becuase he doesn't want his girls to see him weak so he tries his hardest to stand and walk everyday. He is the HAPPIEST person I've ever met because he is always smiling and always laughing. Can you imagine living without words and being unable to move, knowing that you have a year to live and that you're leaving you family behind? Now imagine knowing all of that and still living with JOY. CRAZY! This man is my hero.
Another favorite patient is around the same age and unfortunately has the same diagnosis and prognosis. He would get very frustrated with the complete loss of his independence and he would frequently tear up during therapy sessions because he couldn't talk or move like he used to. When he would tear up I would try my hardest to encourage him and tell him how he was doing so well. We bonded through all of our PT sessions together even though he was never able to use his words. On his last day of therapy he was leaving and he gave me a firm handshake and he started tearing up and he wouldn't let go of my hand for a really long time...we just stood there, tears in our eyes, shaking hands for a good couple minutes. I'm sorry but how am I supposed to not cry when that happens?!? It broke my heart. It devastated me that at the young age of 50 he has a max of 1 year to live. I feel so blessed that I got to meet and work with such a sweet man with such a tender heart. Can you imagine spending the last year of your life unable to tell the people in your life that you love them and unable to do the activities that you love? The amount of courage and strength this man showed is an inspiration to me.
An all-time favorite patient is a young woman who has a very serious debilitating disease like M.S. but more serious and progressive. When she came into the hospital she couldn't move a single muscle in her body but now she is slowly re-learning how to stand and walk. She was on feeding tubes for 3 months and had to be on a mechanical ventilator for 2 months. She told me recently that she had never believed in God before getting this disease but since going through this and seeing the miracle that God has performed in her life she believes in him. She is the most selfless person I have ever met. When patients were sharing prayer requests at the worship worship on the rehab floor she said she didn't have any requests to share other than to pray for everyone on the floor that is sick and discouraged. Can you imagine going through all of that and being unsure of your ability to stand and walk for the rest of your life at the age of 20 and saying you want to pray for everyone else and not yourself? CRAZY! This young woman has taught me more about living selflessly and being humble than I have ever learned before.
I seriously could go on and on about how much I love these patients and new friends of mine. They have all changed my life in so many ways. I can only hope and pray that I can encourage, love, and inspire them in a small way compared to what they have done for me.

Provision

Today is a big day. This morning marks the first time I have ever sat alone at church with not a single soul I know. I have been so blessed to have always been surrounded by family and friends at church. Even studying abroad I made some new friends who I went to Spanish mass with. The weird thing is that this morning it was a lot easier than expected to walk into the church alone and sit in a pew by myself. My eyes were filled with tears during the worship songs not because of loneliness or fear but instead because I was completely overwhelmed with God's provision and faithfulness. My last three months have been crazy and hard but God has provided for me every step of the way.
For those of you who know me well you know that I hate change and transition and I also hate being alone. My transition from highschool to college and college to grad school were really tough because I like having a million friends to hangout with and live life with. When I was choosing clinicals I don't know why the heck my family or close friends didn't stop me when I was choosing locations all over the country. They really should have said "umm Anna...do you realize how difficult this is going to be for you?" But thankfully they didn't. Because they also know that I love adventures and I love challenges. I love trying new things, I love meeting new people, and I love going to new places. Therefore, I am loving this time in my life but it is also so hard for me to make all these transitions. To go to 3 different places for 9 wks each is really difficult. This second move was hard because it was a 18+ hour drive away from home and I literally know no one and know nothing about Durham, let alone North Carolina! There's the basic things I like to have under control with a location I'm living like where is it safe to run and bike, where do I get groceries, how do I get to work, etc. but there's also the more important things of who is going to be my friend and who am I going to go on all of my adventures with? Every 5 mins of my drive here and throughout my first week here I've been asking "What the heck am I doing here?" but God has blown me away with His provision.
The two main ways I can see God's provision is by 1) providing people in my life and 2) providing a good internship.
1) People: When my mom and I arrived in Durham after our very long drive we went to a church that was recommended to us and the first person that introduced herself to us was from Iowa and was incredibly welcoming. She told my mom that she would look after me while I was here and then later on that day (perfectly timed so that it was immediately after a tearful goodbye with my mom at the airport) she invited me on a picnic with her family at a beautiful lake.  Also, I have super fun roommates who are Duke PT/grad students and they have welcomed me so well and have invited me to all of their fun PT hangouts and taught me a lot about the area.
2) Internship: I was anxious about my new internship at Duke and about being with a new clinical instructor but both have been great since Day 1. My clinical instructor is the most encouraging person ever and has made my transition so easy. Also, I have had such amazing and inspiring patients that have made me want to go into work everyday. Please stay tuned for future blogs because I will be wriiting in much more detail about them ; )
God is a provider. He is so faithful. I decided that even if I gain nothing else from these 6 months of traveling than seeing God's provision and faithfulness in the most intimate way than that alone makes this time completely worth it.
Today, in a city that I don't know and in a city with no one I know, my heart is overflowing because the one thing I do know is that God is with me and He alone is providing for me in this place. 

Final thoughts from Chicago

I absolutely loved my clinical in Chicago and I wanted to sum up some of the highs and the lows....
The great things of Chicago include:
1) Chicago has GREAT food and I became a "foodie" during my time there. Some of my favorite restaurants were Thai, Indian, Costa Rican and Cuban. Chicago has every possible type of food you can ever imagine and it's all so GOOD!
2) Chicago is one of the best cities in the country because of it's location on Lake Michigan. It seriously feels like you're on the ocean during summertime- everyone is always playing on the beach and having a great time on the water.
3) Chicago is great at building community within the city. There are lots of fun tourists things to do but I really enjoyed being a "local" and taking advantage of the festivals and farmers markets in Chicago. Both are AWESOME! My favorite festival was the rib fest and you just sample ribs from all the best BBQ places in the city.
4) I love how active the people of Chicago are. There are workout faciliites everywhere and tons of runners/bikers etc. I loved running/biking on Lake Michigan because it was beautiful on the water with the skyscrappers right there (not to mention that the people watching was superb- lots of runners look like they walked straight out of a Richard Simmons video with their 80s workout outfits. Also, I enjoyed watching people run/walk and analyzing their gait because I could easily determine who would soon have to be seen at PT because of their poor walk/run patterns.)
5) I LOVE PT! I seriously can't wait to be a PT for the rest of my life. The highlight of my day everyday was working with patients, whether either doing hands-on time with them or helping teach them exercises. I had so many wonderful and unique patients and I miss them all a lot. I have sooo many awesome patient stories and if you want to hear about them you can read back in my earlier blogs or ask me about them!
6)  Chicago is a very diverse city and most days I didn't feel like I was in the Midwest. I worked with lots of patients who were from all over the country or from other countries. I really liked interacting with patients so different from the ones I had worked with in Iowa. In Chicago my eyes were opened to a bigger world and I am so thankful for that because I want my world to never be small.
7) There are some WONDERFUL people that live in Chicago. I lived with and met some GREAT people during my 9 weeks. My roommate and her friends welcomed me in and invited me to everything with them! I learned so much from them all and really enjoyed my time with them.

and the not-so great things about Chicago....
-I'm really not a fan of Chicago's traffic. I am not patient enough to wait in standstill traffic for hours at 2:30pm on Friday afternoons when I'm trying to get back home
-I really like biking around the city but I never felt safe doing it. I had a couple too many close calls biking in the city (almost getting hit by a person opening their car door and then on a another occasion a car pulling a big U-turn and swiping my front wheel.)
-Chicago is a city of CRIME. I did not enjoy getting my car broken into on my birthday but more importantly I had several patients that were cops and they frequently told me stories about all the crime that happened in the city and it was CRAZY stuff! Feeling safe is one thing I realize I have always taken for granted and I miss the feeling of safety a lot when it's not present.

Overall, I loved Chicago and I loved my 9 weeks there. I'm so thankful that the Lord blessed my short time there in so many different ways! I don't plan on moving to Chicago after graduation but at the same time I'm not quite sure where the heck I'll end up...only God knows ; )

Refined like gold

Chicago was such a season of growth. I remember about a month into my time there I told someone that I didn't feel very close with the Lord because I didn't feel the same desperate need for him there that I had felt being in grad school. Well that quickly changed and suddenly I found myself at a very broken spot but it was so beautiful because it was so growth filled. One thing I think is so cool about God is that when he tries to teach us something he does it through multiple different avenues. For example, he will put a simple thought on your heart, then you'll read about the same thing in scripture, then you'll hear something similiar from a friend, and then it'll be stated at a church service. I had this happen to me during my time in Chicago this summer.

God has been teaching me how much he uses times of suffering to refine us. The thing that is so amazing about suffering is that it is a divine instrument used by God to shape us and mold us. Often I get upset going through times of trial and I wonder why they happen but then I realize that when I ask God everyday to shape me, mold me, transform me, and make me more Holy then He is going to do that because our God answers prayers. When I look back at these times it's hard for me to not think "well maybe I should stop praying to be more like Jesus because when I do things fall apart." But then I realize that the way that He is choosing to answer those prayers is by changing me to be more like him through pain and brokenness. We go through trials because God knows we need to. We go through them for our own growth and maturing.

At a church service I went to in Chicago the pastor talked about how a goldsmith says that gold is not ready to come out from the fire until he can see his own image in the gold. That's what it's like for us in our relationship with the Lord. We're not a finished product until He can look at us and see himself. I don't know about ya'll but I'm for sure not there yet! It really comes down to if we want to be made in the image of Christ. If we do then we accept suffering as a gift from God and we run to him every step of the way. So let's keep praying that we can keep being thrown in the fire and becoming more purified through the refining process. I want the character of Jesus to be constantly reflected in me. I want to be complete in God's glory alone.


2 Cor 4:8-11 "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body."