Recently I have been feeling challenged in many different ways and I keep finding myself questioning the Lord- "Why God? Why? This isn't what I had planned. This isn't what I wanted...etc, etc." God thankfully is extremely patient with me and lets me whine and complain but constantly reminds me "Anna, my plan is so much better. Stop stressing and just rest and trust in me." It is seriously a constant battle in my head. At least every 5 mins I have to remind myself of the Lord's truths.
I recently listened to a really stellar sermon by Tim Keller and he stated "The worst thing God can do for us is give us all the desires of our heart." Right now there are a lot of desires and dreams on my heart that are not being fulfilled but I believe that there is a reason for that. I know this is true because God has proved this to me in the past. When I think back on past times when there were things I REALLY wanted but didn't get I'm so thankful that I went through those times because those things I wanted were either 1) not good in the first place and God saved me from going down a bad road, or b) there was a lot of growth, learning and transformation that came from going through those times.
C.S. Lewis puts it best when he states "To say God can't let anything bad happen to us is to say that he doesn't love us."
I have recently been reflecting on how God is our Heavenly Father. We all know that fathers don't let their kids have everything they want. No wise father will give his kids everything they want because he knows better on what's good for them and what's not. Well it's the same with God. He doesn't let us have everyhting we want because he knows that it's not all good for us, in fact a lot of things are really dangerous for us. I firmly believe that God does not withhold good things from his children. His intentions are always right and always true.
Tim Keller states "The degree that you believe in God using suffering to define us is the degree of wisdom that you have."
I am not confident of much in my life right now. I don't know what North Carolina will bring. I don't know where I'll be living/working in 3 months for my last internship. I don't know where I'll live or work following graduation. I don't know when my heart will heal...etc, etc. But there is one thing I am confident of- God is using this suffering to shape me, mold me, and transform me into a more godly woman. And for that I am thankful because that is what I pray for every single day. As much as I don't want to go through these struggles, I more importantly don’t want to limit what God is using in order to change me. I am thankful that God is more interested in my holiness than in my immediate happiness. My last Tim Keller quote: "We can't say we want to be like Jesus and then resist the very instrument he chooses to fulfill that."
"I am thankful that God is more interested in my holiness than in my immediate happiness." Anna - this is so hard to say with an honest heart! I am so blessed and encouraged that you are saying it in the midst of your testing. May God be glorified by your faith that He is good!
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