I seriously can't believe I'm halfway through my Duke internship and 3 months away from graduating- CRAZY! I haven't written much recently because I've been having SO much fun in NC- I've been spending lots of time at the beach which has been so wonderful and refreshing! I have absolutely fallen in love with this state and I know it will be a very bittersweet goodbye leaving. If you would have asked me 3 weeks ago if I thought I would ever consider living in NC I would have said "heck no!" but now I definitely would consider it. At the beginning of my Duke internship I had a really hard time knowing why I was here. I really just wanted to jump to Colorado where it was the exact type of PT I thought I wanted to do, where I knew people and had lots of friends/family around, and where I thought I wanted to look for a job. I wanted to be somewhere so I could "settle down"' and feel comfortable and stable. Thankfully God had better plans because he has introduced me to an amazing state with awesome people and opportunities. I don't know if I'll end up living in North Carolina but either way He has taught me a huge lesson through all of this.
I am such a planner. I've always been this way. In highschool I was always planning to get an athletic scholarship in college. In college I was always plannning on getting into the best PT school. In PT school I was planning on getting the best internships and job. It's so easy for me to always want to rush to the next thing, to jump to the next stage, and to embrace the next challenge instead of realizing that there is no final destination. There is no final stop or end goal. Everything is transitional. Everything is temporary. I wanted so badly to arrive at what I thought would be my "next home". I wanted to get to wherever I'm going to "end up" and I wanted to stay there and build community. I have these plans for my life in Colorado and I wanted to make them happen. I wanted to know what's next and I wanted it to unfold. But I'm learning to just keep moving and keep walking because in these transitional periods is when I am becoming who God wants me to be. I haven't arrived at my final destination and I never will. Our lives on earth are composed of different seasons so even when I do get a job somewhere and "settle down" it will just be a start of a new season which will also have an end. What I want to focus on is enjoying each and every season and letting God make me who He wants me to be in all of them.
In the book Cold Tangerines the author describes my exact feelings very well "Everything is interim. Every season that I thought was stable and would be just how it was for a long time ended up being a preparation or a path for the next thing. When you decide to be on this journey with God everything is interim. Everything is an oath or a preparation for the next thing and we never know what the next thing is. Life is like that, of course, twisty and surprising. But life with God is like that exponentially. We can dig in and make plans, write them in stone, pretend we're not listening, but the voice of God has a way of being heard. It seeps in even when we've barred the door against any last minute changes ot our plans and it moves us to differnet countries and different emotional territories and different ways of living. It keeps us moving nad dancing and watching and never let's us drop down into a life set on cruise control. Life with God is a daring dream, full of flashes and last minute exits and all things we said we'd never do. With the surprises comes GREAT HOPE."
I have no idea what my next season or interim will be- I could be working in North Carolina, Colorado, Kenya...the list could go on and on. I am making no plans right now and I am perfectly okay with that because God is teaching me so much right where I'm at.
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