Hellos...and goodbyes

Goodbyes are so hard. I've had to say too many of them in the past six months.
   First, I had to say goodbye to all of my best friends from PT school. This was so difficult because they had become my family in Iowa City and they were my source of encouragement and support. There were so many wonderful people who helped me get through those tough two years and I am confident I would not have made it through without them. I remember telling my roommate when we were moving out "I wish that I didn't love and invest so deeply in people because it just hurts so bad to say goodbye." I just wanted to be able to pack up my stuff and leave without having to say so many tearful goodbyes. I didn't feel ready to say goodbye to those friends and it felt like part of my heart was being left behind while leaving that place.

   Then, I moved to downtown Chicago.  At first I didn't want to meet new people and become invested in new friendships because I knew I would only be there for 9 weeks. But I met some AWESOME people and I was naturally inclined to become close with them. I found wonderful friends that I got to go on adventures and explore the city with. They were such a source of encouragement to me and got me through some hard days of internship and life. By the end of my nine weeks there I realized that I considered all of those new friends just like sisters and I found myself in a very similar place as before...regretting having made such close connections because it was so hard to leave and say goodbye. I love those friends and I loved the time that we spent together and I wasn't ready for it to end yet. 

   Next, I moved to North Carolina where the first two weeks were a struggle because I literally knew no one and I had no idea where to even start making friends. I resorted to my usual strategy of just talking to everyone I met and asking them to hangout (haha- I realize this is a very bold strategy but I was in a very desperate place- I needed friends!). After two weeks I had already fallen in love with the area and I had made over 20 new friends. North Carolina ended up being one of the best experiences of my life. If you would've told me that at the end of the clinical I would actually be sad to leave the state I would not have believed you. The friends that I made showed me such Southern hospitality and they invited me into their families, into their homes, and into their lives. I've only been gone a week and I already miss my friends so dearly. God taught me so many things through all of these friendships which made it so hard to say goodbye again. Now I'm in the same place again wondering why I have to love so deeply, why I invest so quickly and why I always end up in this place with my heart aching because I miss people.
   The past week off I got to reconnect with most of my family and bestfriends back in the Midwest. It was priceless time I got to spend with my loved ones and I'm so thankful for it. I got to rejoice with them over all the wonderful things that are happening in their lives and I got to share all of the life lessons that I'm learning with them. I'm so thankful that I got to reconnect with these people but I absolutely hated leaving. I left the Midwest on my drive to Colorado and kept repeatedly thinking "Why does it have to be so hard to say goodbye?"

   Although I do go through these stages of being really sad and angry that I have to move on and say lots of goodbyes, I also see the extreme beauty in the hellos.  I am so thankful for every single one of the friendships that I have made. I have written over 50 thank you notes in the last six months and all of them are filled with extreme gratitude for all of the huge amounts of love, encouragement, support and generosity I have received. I made a list of everything that I've learned about myself, about others, about life, and about God during my time both in Chicago and in North Carolina and the list included over 45 items. A lot of the things I listed have been revealed to me through the people that I have met and that I'm now blessed to call friends. God has used all these people in my life as vehicles to teach me some really beautiful lessons that have forever changed me. 

   There have unfortunately been a lot of days where my heart has hurt like it does now and I know that there'll be a lot more to come in my future but I am so thankful for these friendships. I am so thankful that I have a heart that can love and invest in others. It is one of the most beautiful gifts God has given me and I never want to neglect it. My challenge for myself and for my friends and family is to never hold back. Always open up your heart to others, always invest, and always love. Yes, the goodbyes are tough but this is how God intended us to live and IT'S WORTH IT.

"An adventurous life does not necessarily mean climbing mountains, swimming with sharks, or jumping off cliffs. It means risking yourself by leaving a little piece of you behind in all those you meet along the way."